3 steps to get out of your style comfort zone
building your style confidence? read this!
Have you ever felt totally comfortable wearing a certain outfit in one situation, but feel really off wearing the same outfit in a different context or situation?
Recently, this was happening to me.
I live in Bozeman, MT, and the vibes here are pretty outdoorsy. People here want their clothes to be functional for their adventures, and to hold up under extreme weather conditions.
Which is to say, I tend to stick out.
By now, you’ve probably realized that I love a big, bold statement look, and that all I do is thrift. I also love makeup and my eyeshadow always matches my outfit to perfection. Pretty contrasty to the rest of this town.
a mini style journey
I just got a membership to the rock climbing gym in town, and when I tell you I was out of my comfort zone… I really, really was.
In fact, I didn’t want anyone to see me.
Like, no one at all.
I had us climb in the smaller corner sections. I would procrastinate getting on the wall. I would cut my routes kinda short because I just want to get lowered down.
And I wore very basic outfits.
Now, I’ve been building my style confidence for years now. I feel pretty confident wearing most things, and for most occasions I’m pretty confident that I can pull off whatever I want to.
But this absolutely did not apply to the climbing gym.
And I soon found myself saying that I couldn’t wait to be an advanced climber, so that I could actually wear cool stuff to the gym.
Like I had to earn the right to wear what I wanted.
I wanted to wear my crazy 80s printed shirts and big makeup, and all the other funky looks that I wear on the daily.
But the story I was telling myself was that I wasn’t a good enough climber to have any business wearing that shit to the gym.
I had to prove that my climbing skill warranted the looks I might receive. I was worried that people would think I’m too concerned about my looks rather than actually being able to climb.
And I told this story to my closest friends.
I would tell them how excited I was to get better, because once I reached a certain level then I would be able to wear my normal clothes.
No one challenged me on this.
It makes sense, right? And I feel like I internalized this message somewhere. That only skilled people have the right to get creative with their looks.
It was only after saying this a couple of times to several people, and having each of them confirm my thinking - and also after writing some of these blogs - that I finally realized I was holding myself back.
I had started to adopt a mindset about style that completely went against everything I actually believe about style.
It’s so easy for a story we have about our sense of style to simply become reality in our heads. In a matter of weeks, this story had become a script I would say to people without thinking, and they would confirm it, which further solidified it in my head too.
As I’ve said in previous episodes, I just feel good when I show up to living in the clothing that I choose. I feel better when I put time and effort into my appearance, and when I make the time to take care of myself too.
Why can’t this all apply to rock climbing too?
getting out of your comfort zone…
with style!
If you’ve ever felt your style confidence get temporarily shaken (especially when you’re in a new situation), try these 3 steps to help you re-center and get back on track.
Notice the story you’re telling yourself. This is the first step. You have notice what you’re telling yourself - why you think you shouldn’t be able to wear something and what you think might happen if you do.
Try not to judge this. Our fears really just keep us safe, and while we don’t want to succumb to our fears forever, we also don’t want to further shit on ourselves.
So, in my rock climbing example, once I noticed that I was telling myself I had to be a better climber in order to wear what I wanted, then I was able to make the next step.Make a decision. The next step is to choose how you want to show up. The reality is that there’s no right or wrong answer here. It’s truly just what you want it to be and how you want to show up.
In my climbing example, I could have chosen to wear my normal looks, or to have started dressing like a climber. Both are fine - but it becomes an issue when we believe that we should or have to dress a certain way.
So, if I decided to start wearing climbing clothes, but I did so because I thought I have to look a certain way at the gym or that that’s the only way for people to take me more seriously, then that’s not great. But if I chose that because I like the style, then that’s a good reason and it feels more authentic. Of course, that’s not what I chose to do. I chose to wear what I usually do.Commit. Now that you’ve weighed your options and you’ve decided how you want to show up, it’s time to commit. And to commit no matter what. I think this is when we can still have some lingering fear and hesitation.
Once I made the decision to climb in my clothes, I actually had to be intentional about it. Like, I would do my makeup without assuming I would go climbing, and then put together an outfit that was athletic enough but still funky. Then I’d go before I had time to think about it. I also continued to make progress even when I felt uncomfortable or like I might be judged. I did it anyways.
I just continually showed up as myself and continued to work for my climbing goals, no matter what.
These steps will help you work through any uncomfortable style situation.
And though it will take time to get used to it regardless, after a couple times you’ll stop thinking about it.
After showing up to the climbing gym in my looks, I’m feeling so much more confident not only about showing up as myself but also in my ability to climb. I feel better about myself and I think this has a positive effect on my climbing too.
I wanted to share this little journey with you because I think it’s important to be vulnerable, and I also want to show that even when you’ve been working on building your style confidence for awhile, it can still ebb and flow. That’s totally normal though, and there’s ways to work through it.
I hope you learned something, and that you try these 3 simple steps the next time you feel like you need a little extra confidence boost.
Just by simply changing the lingo from “I can’t” to “I want” will make a huge difference.
Let me know which tip was most helpful to you and if you do try these steps!
